What the Hell is TOO Nappy?

Recently, someone very dear to me caught me walking out of the door. She asked me, "What are you going to do to your hair?" I said, "Nothing." She asked, "…You aren't going to comb it?" I said, "No." She said, "Oh no! That's just TOO NAPPY! COMB YOUR HAIR!" Under normal circumstances, I would have been utterly and completely offended. I was not. I wanted to ask her, "…exactly what the hell is too nappy?" I did not ask. I knew exactly what she meant and the place that her comments came from. It was a direct indication about how she viewed herself, her beauty, her community and her worth. It was apparent to me that she did not mean to be hurtful. I knew that what manifested itself in her comments was the hurt that she had endured and internalized over the course of a lifetime. She has experienced oppression of beauty and spirit and it has taken a toll on her to the point to she cannot fathom or understand WHY someone would want to walk around with a tightly coiled "too nappy" fro. Please be advised that this conversation is one of many that I encountered over the years. I wondered how I should respond to her. I wanted my response to be intense, but enlightening. I wanted my response to be inspirational. I had to walk out of the door (and blog about it).

I thought it may be good to arm myself with empirical information. I looked up the definition of the word "nappy." Dictionary.com defines nappy as "downy," 1499, from nap (n.). Meaning "fuzzy, kinky," used in colloquial or derogatory ref. to the hair of black people, is from 1950. Then I would go on to ask her questions about whom and what she perceived as her beauty benchmarks throughout the course of her life – especially in her childhood. I would then be able to take her responses and show her how they have impacted her thinking and self-image. I hope that she will not become confrontational and defensive. Sometimes it can be difficult to embrace a new way of understanding yourself. But if she does, I will calmly re-affirm my genuine love and concern for her. I may possibly have to end the conversation. But I will continue to be a living, breathing example for her to watch each day that contradicts the imprints that she carries about beauty.

Ok, I think that this is a good start for my response to my dear friend. I took time to formulate my response because I wanted my motives to clear and without negative emotion, but with fervor and conviction. How would you respond? I REALLY want to know your true thoughts – even if they are like my dear friend. So often we use words created by others to define and degrade each other without taking time to understand what we are saying or the impact of our words on ourselves and each other. Those of us that are proudly "fuzzy-kinky" have yet another derogatory reference to overcome. "What the Hell is Too Nappy?"

Let's talk about it!

The Natural Darling