People who have known me for any length of time may know that as a child I had long flowing natural hair. My mother and I used to have the most spirited discussions about when I would be able to get a relaxer. My mother could never tell me why she was so adamant about me not getting a relaxer. If she had told me the history of the relaxer and injected potent doses of history and antedotes self-love and empowerment, I know that I don't think that I would have done it. I have always had a social conscience. I have always made myself aware of the lingering effects of slavery and oppression. But at the age of 12, I let a piece of me slip away - my natural hair. From that point on, I always kept my hair "done." In college I was known for my impeccable layered hair cut. In my twenties, I was known for having the best weaves. I wore weaves when no one was supposed to know that you had a weave!
At the age of 29, in 2002, I went to South Africa and Ghana with a friend and it totally changed my life and my perceptions. Upon arrival to Johannesburg, South Africa our group went to the King-Luthuli Transformation Centre. We were greeted by the most beautiful and gracious people that I have ever met in my life. Their warmth brought me to tears. The bold features of South African woman were and are the pinnacle of beauty to me. What I discovered was that the women were enthralled with us because of our eurocentric features. They loved our keener noses, lighter skin, variable colored eyes, and straight hair. The South Africans were so heavily influenced by European and Western media that they had not been able to celebrate or appreciate their natural beauty. In an instant this broke my heart. In an instant, I realized why I and so many others could not fathom wearing our natural hair. We have never been able to define our own standard of beauty based on our natural heritage. Slavery, colonialism, and social and political oppression ruined it. Have you ever thought about that?
When we returned to the States 14 days later, I announced to my closest friends that I was shedding my weave and starting locs. No one and I mean NO ONE believed me. It was a process but in June, 2003, I had my weave removed and started locs. Relaxer was still on the ends and it was terrible. In December, 2003, I did a big loc chop and never looked back.
Today, I challenge you to really examine how you define beauty for you and the people around you and WHY. I challenge you do dig deeper and think about how and why your parents and their parents may have been affected.
The Natural Darling
I think beautiful is when a woman looks like she takes care of herself... healthy skin, teeth and hair. I think this outward beauty is a combo of mental, physical and spiritual care and attention. I think it's beautiful to see woman who are comfortable and confident in themselves and the personal styles they choose to rock from head to toe. However, I do think it's very difficult for women, especially Black women, to define what beauty is for themselves, because there are so many influences trying to tell us what IS and what is NOT beauty. For me, my definition stems from my spiritual connection - knowing that I was created in the image of God and that I'm his child, therefore, I am his display-piece in the earth... that's what makes me beautiful!
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