Often some of my elder friends and family who came of age in the 1970's notice that I have embraced my natural hair. They want to reminisce about their time with natural hair when they wore afros and remind me that natural hair is nothing new. I usually ask them, "Why didn't you stay natural?" No one really has given me a straight answer. I call my friends and family of this era the "assimilation generation" because it was their job to go out and seize the opportunities that so many had fought and died for throughout the course of the Civil Rights Movement. They were expected to assimilate into the workforce and experience new found liberties and perpetual opportunities. This is where and when this generation of African-Americans typically had to work twice as hard for half of the pay typically and definitely not make any waves with their appearance. Therefore, they did as much as they could to look more like their white peers and superiors. The challenge is that this generation (and others) embedded their children with a negative subconscious message about natural hair. OUR WORK IT TO CREATE BETTER MESSAGES FOR OUR CHILDREN THROUGH OUR OWN POSITIVE SELF IMAGE AND ACTUALIZATION.
Our work starts at home with our actions and conversations. Have you taken time to ask yourself about your standards of beauty and how those standards may influence and impact your family and peers? We have a lot of work to do.
The Natural Darling
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Monday, May 9, 2011
Natural Solidarity
It seems that at least once a day I make eye contact and exchange a compliment or an uplifting statement with someone else who is Natural. The comments range from, “I love your hair, to ‘You look AMAZING!” If time permits we stop to exchange brief tips and encouragement about styling, products and retail options. I always leave these exchanges with the feeling that I have met someone else that is anchored in their spirit in a unique way. This anchor has literally replaced the conduit that carried subconscious currents of self-loathing and self-hatred. It does not allow external images and dialogue to influence or dictate our outward demonstration of beauty anymore. WE GET IT! This exchange made me think about how SOLIDARITY is essential to relaying the message of any meaningful movement.
Merriam Webster defines SOLIDARITY as "unity that produces or is based on a community of interests; objectives and standards." We can see the effects of solidarity from world events such as the recent civil unrest in Egypt that led to President Hosni Mubarak stepping down after almost 30 years in office to the US demonstrations led by the state workers of Wisconsin in protest of anti-union legislation in Wisconsin. While the definition simply states "unity that produces...," I believe more fully that it is unity that produces CHANGE.
Soldarity can be effective in everything from planning and implementing a great neighborhood festival to removing oppressive regimes and changing public policy. Today, I challenge you to have a conversation with children and adolescents about anything from the importance of voting to higher education with an emphasis on the word "solidarity." Let's put our conversation into action and show our children how to organize and change the world by getting involved, uniting with each other and creating good examples of leadership through self-love and positive self-images.
SOLIDARITY! I love this word! I love the meaning and the power of this word in action.
The Natural Darling
Saturday, April 23, 2011
What the Hell is TOO Nappy?
Recently, someone very dear to me caught me walking out of the door. She asked me, "What are you going to do to your hair?" I said, "Nothing." She asked, "…You aren't going to comb it?" I said, "No." She said, "Oh no! That's just TOO NAPPY! COMB YOUR HAIR!" Under normal circumstances, I would have been utterly and completely offended. I was not. I wanted to ask her, "…exactly what the hell is too nappy?" I did not ask. I knew exactly what she meant and the place that her comments came from. It was a direct indication about how she viewed herself, her beauty, her community and her worth. It was apparent to me that she did not mean to be hurtful. I knew that what manifested itself in her comments was the hurt that she had endured and internalized over the course of a lifetime. She has experienced oppression of beauty and spirit and it has taken a toll on her to the point to she cannot fathom or understand WHY someone would want to walk around with a tightly coiled "too nappy" fro. Please be advised that this conversation is one of many that I encountered over the years. I wondered how I should respond to her. I wanted my response to be intense, but enlightening. I wanted my response to be inspirational. I had to walk out of the door (and blog about it).
I thought it may be good to arm myself with empirical information. I looked up the definition of the word "nappy." Dictionary.com defines nappy as "downy," 1499, from nap (n.). Meaning "fuzzy, kinky," used in colloquial or derogatory ref. to the hair of black people, is from 1950. Then I would go on to ask her questions about whom and what she perceived as her beauty benchmarks throughout the course of her life – especially in her childhood. I would then be able to take her responses and show her how they have impacted her thinking and self-image. I hope that she will not become confrontational and defensive. Sometimes it can be difficult to embrace a new way of understanding yourself. But if she does, I will calmly re-affirm my genuine love and concern for her. I may possibly have to end the conversation. But I will continue to be a living, breathing example for her to watch each day that contradicts the imprints that she carries about beauty.
Ok, I think that this is a good start for my response to my dear friend. I took time to formulate my response because I wanted my motives to clear and without negative emotion, but with fervor and conviction. How would you respond? I REALLY want to know your true thoughts – even if they are like my dear friend. So often we use words created by others to define and degrade each other without taking time to understand what we are saying or the impact of our words on ourselves and each other. Those of us that are proudly "fuzzy-kinky" have yet another derogatory reference to overcome. "What the Hell is Too Nappy?"
Let's talk about it!
The Natural Darling
Monday, April 11, 2011
Natural Desire
Being Natural has compelled me in the last 8 years to "peel the layers" of my life back with an ability to regularly practice in-depth introspection. I did an inventory of my desires. What I found was that I had far too many desires of a material nature that existed only to fill some emotional voids. Once I was able to accept and understand that some of my desires were superficial in nature, I could begin the work of living a life with more purpose and a life where I desire a richer quality of being for me and the people around me.
A few weeks ago, I finished reading Working With The Law, by Raymond Holliwell. The "Law" that Holliwell writes about is the working power of God. Essentially, this book gives you rich lessons on how to work with channeling the working power of God (or whatever you call the Higher Power that you believe in). The first edition of this book was published in 1965, but the content is timeless. More importantly, I found that many lessons in this book were extremely complimentary with the growth that I have been experiencing as a Natural. I thought that today would be a good time to share some insight into Working With The Law as it relates to DESIRE.
Holliwell writes, “When an individual earnestly desires a thing he sets up a line of force that connects if he remains constant in his desire or ambition the good demanded is sooner or later realized in part or in entirety . . . ‘desire’ is the motive power for calling it forth into visible appearance or physical effect.”
A few weeks ago, I finished reading Working With The Law, by Raymond Holliwell. The "Law" that Holliwell writes about is the working power of God. Essentially, this book gives you rich lessons on how to work with channeling the working power of God (or whatever you call the Higher Power that you believe in). The first edition of this book was published in 1965, but the content is timeless. More importantly, I found that many lessons in this book were extremely complimentary with the growth that I have been experiencing as a Natural. I thought that today would be a good time to share some insight into Working With The Law as it relates to DESIRE.
Holliwell writes, “When an individual earnestly desires a thing he sets up a line of force that connects if he remains constant in his desire or ambition the good demanded is sooner or later realized in part or in entirety . . . ‘desire’ is the motive power for calling it forth into visible appearance or physical effect.”
Imagine what we can do as a community and as abody politic if we can effectually and forcefully improve the quality of our desires and remain constant of the good demanded in those desires and thoughts.
We can change the world.
My blog is about more than hair.
The Natural Darling
Friday, April 8, 2011
The Decision to GO FRO Part 2
The day that we completed combing out my locs, my hair was blown out for a trim. I DID NOT LIKE THAT! I was (and still am) completely anti-heat. I wanted "instant afro." So for a few days I wore this blown out version of my traumatized hair. It was even more awkward because the color of my hair was a auburn at the roots. (I was trying a new look for the summer). I noticed a former co-worker that was wearing an amazing Natural roller-set and because I LOVE BIG HAIR, I thought that would be perfect for me. My initial idea was to wear alternating afros and roller sets.
Unlike with my locs, I did a lot of research before I combed my locs out (not enough...keep reading). I was overwhelmed by all of the product selections and techniques. For the first few weeks, I opted to wash and go with shea butter as my styling tool. Something was missing. For weeks, my Natural guru, Katrice L. Mines (that's Kay-triss like waitress), had been telling me to go to Urbanbella, a Natural hair apothecary and salon in Atlanta, Georgia, and get a consultation so that I would know which products would work best on my hair. I did not have a sense of urgency, but I should have.
I finally scheduled the consultation and went to Urbanbella. Once I finished the consultation, I had plenty of revelations about all of the things that I had been doing wrong to my hair for the last 45 days. As the consultant at Urbanbella tested gel-based products on one side of my head and cream-based products on the other, I learned a whole lot. First, I had been detangling my hair all wrong. When detangling Natural hair it should ALWAYS be wet and you should start from the ends with a wide tooth comb and work your way up with your hair in small sections. Second, I learned that any curl enhancing or styling product should be applied to my hair when it is soaking wet and that after my hair was dry with the product in it, I should always apply a compatible moisturizer. Third, I learned that I would need a CLARIFYING shampoo at least twice a month to make sure that I did not have any product build up. She performed a strand test using Kinky Curly Curling Custard, Hair Rules Curly Whip, Jane Carter Solution Curl Defining Cream and Ms. Jessie's Curly Pudding, then she sat me under the dryer with hot herbal tea, so I could relax. (I was really stressed out after thinking about all of the hair that I had combed out before getting there for the consultation). Once my hair was dry, we examined the curls. It appeared that Ms. Jessie's Curly Pudding had performed best on my hair texture, with Jane Carter Solution Curl Defining Cream coming in at a close second. Fortunately, Ms. Jessie's had a buy one, get one free sale at Urbanbella, so I was able to get everything that I needed. I purchased Ms. Jessie's Curly Pudding as my styling aid and their Baby Buttercream as my moisturizer. I also purchased Ms. Jessie's Creme de la Curl Shampoo and their Rapid Recovery Treatment for my deep conditioner. All I needed now, was my Huetiful Hair Steamer and I was ready to care for my Natural hair on my own. I have since used Jane Carter Solution Curl Defining Cream and I am absolutely in love with that product (review coming soon).
As time goes on I will review each of the products mentioned above and so many more. I would like your input about what information you would like to have and see included in a product review by The Natural Darling.
Until Next Time,
The Natural Darling
Unlike with my locs, I did a lot of research before I combed my locs out (not enough...keep reading). I was overwhelmed by all of the product selections and techniques. For the first few weeks, I opted to wash and go with shea butter as my styling tool. Something was missing. For weeks, my Natural guru, Katrice L. Mines (that's Kay-triss like waitress), had been telling me to go to Urbanbella, a Natural hair apothecary and salon in Atlanta, Georgia, and get a consultation so that I would know which products would work best on my hair. I did not have a sense of urgency, but I should have.
I finally scheduled the consultation and went to Urbanbella. Once I finished the consultation, I had plenty of revelations about all of the things that I had been doing wrong to my hair for the last 45 days. As the consultant at Urbanbella tested gel-based products on one side of my head and cream-based products on the other, I learned a whole lot. First, I had been detangling my hair all wrong. When detangling Natural hair it should ALWAYS be wet and you should start from the ends with a wide tooth comb and work your way up with your hair in small sections. Second, I learned that any curl enhancing or styling product should be applied to my hair when it is soaking wet and that after my hair was dry with the product in it, I should always apply a compatible moisturizer. Third, I learned that I would need a CLARIFYING shampoo at least twice a month to make sure that I did not have any product build up. She performed a strand test using Kinky Curly Curling Custard, Hair Rules Curly Whip, Jane Carter Solution Curl Defining Cream and Ms. Jessie's Curly Pudding, then she sat me under the dryer with hot herbal tea, so I could relax. (I was really stressed out after thinking about all of the hair that I had combed out before getting there for the consultation). Once my hair was dry, we examined the curls. It appeared that Ms. Jessie's Curly Pudding had performed best on my hair texture, with Jane Carter Solution Curl Defining Cream coming in at a close second. Fortunately, Ms. Jessie's had a buy one, get one free sale at Urbanbella, so I was able to get everything that I needed. I purchased Ms. Jessie's Curly Pudding as my styling aid and their Baby Buttercream as my moisturizer. I also purchased Ms. Jessie's Creme de la Curl Shampoo and their Rapid Recovery Treatment for my deep conditioner. All I needed now, was my Huetiful Hair Steamer and I was ready to care for my Natural hair on my own. I have since used Jane Carter Solution Curl Defining Cream and I am absolutely in love with that product (review coming soon).
As time goes on I will review each of the products mentioned above and so many more. I would like your input about what information you would like to have and see included in a product review by The Natural Darling.
Until Next Time,
The Natural Darling
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
The Decision to GO FRO Part 1
2010 marked the 8th anniversary of being Natural and having locs. I was getting more and more curious about my "loose" hair. In addition, I suffered from a scalp condition called seborrhoeic dermatitis which is caused my scalp to become flaky and itchy. The condition became increasingly more difficult to manage with locs as I had to wash with medicated shampoo very frequently and the flakes were difficult to purge from my locs.
I had known for several years at that time that I could and would choose to comb my locs out as opposed to cutting them off when I decided to make the change. Also, I had another PROFOUND inspiration and catalyst. Her name was Katrice L. Mines better known as my FFBF (favorite FaceBook Friend). We had been meeting and talking over the last couple of years and her afro had become a benchmark for what I thought and believed all afros should look like - including mine. I had been following her blog and picking her brain about her afro for about a year. She was so gracious about answering my questions. She encouraged me to consider combing my locs out. She did not know that I was already on the path to the big comb out, she just helped me seal the deal.
At the end of my last loc maintenance appointment in late September of 2010, I asked my loctician about the process of combing my locs out. She proceeded to comb one loc out and it took 20 minutes. She explained that I could expect the process to take at least 7 days with 2 people working on my head for 8 hours per day. She then told me that it would be $65 per hour. I did the math. She was basically telling me that it would cost me $3,640 to have my locs combed out. I thanked her for the consultation and left thinking that I would have to cut my hair. Two days later, I sent her an offer of a flat rate that I could afford (and asked her not to be offended by it). To my surprise she accepted!
For the next 5 days we worked 10 hours per day to transform my hair carefully from locs to a beautiful healthy afro. We (yes, we) used lots of conditioner, rat tail combs and every muscle and nerve in the human hand. It was grueling. We would take each loc and apply conditioner to it generously, then take the rat tail comb and start to carefully comb the loc out. The first couple of inches would fall out then I would start to comb my natural hair. When I had locs, I did not shed any hair. The hair on the end of the loc was hair that I would have shed had my hair not been locked. I found that once I stretched the hair from the loc that was combed out, I really had not lost very much length. I was enthralled.
Once all of my locs were all combed out, my hair was deep conditioned and trimmed. Keep in mind that I had not combed my hair in 8 years at this point!
What happens next warrants a whole new blog entry. Stay Tuned!
The Natural Darling
I had known for several years at that time that I could and would choose to comb my locs out as opposed to cutting them off when I decided to make the change. Also, I had another PROFOUND inspiration and catalyst. Her name was Katrice L. Mines better known as my FFBF (favorite FaceBook Friend). We had been meeting and talking over the last couple of years and her afro had become a benchmark for what I thought and believed all afros should look like - including mine. I had been following her blog and picking her brain about her afro for about a year. She was so gracious about answering my questions. She encouraged me to consider combing my locs out. She did not know that I was already on the path to the big comb out, she just helped me seal the deal.
At the end of my last loc maintenance appointment in late September of 2010, I asked my loctician about the process of combing my locs out. She proceeded to comb one loc out and it took 20 minutes. She explained that I could expect the process to take at least 7 days with 2 people working on my head for 8 hours per day. She then told me that it would be $65 per hour. I did the math. She was basically telling me that it would cost me $3,640 to have my locs combed out. I thanked her for the consultation and left thinking that I would have to cut my hair. Two days later, I sent her an offer of a flat rate that I could afford (and asked her not to be offended by it). To my surprise she accepted!
For the next 5 days we worked 10 hours per day to transform my hair carefully from locs to a beautiful healthy afro. We (yes, we) used lots of conditioner, rat tail combs and every muscle and nerve in the human hand. It was grueling. We would take each loc and apply conditioner to it generously, then take the rat tail comb and start to carefully comb the loc out. The first couple of inches would fall out then I would start to comb my natural hair. When I had locs, I did not shed any hair. The hair on the end of the loc was hair that I would have shed had my hair not been locked. I found that once I stretched the hair from the loc that was combed out, I really had not lost very much length. I was enthralled.
Once all of my locs were all combed out, my hair was deep conditioned and trimmed. Keep in mind that I had not combed my hair in 8 years at this point!
What happens next warrants a whole new blog entry. Stay Tuned!
The Natural Darling
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Loc Lessons Part 2
In Loc Lessons Part 1, I gave you all of the warm and fuzzy lessons that I learned. Based on a request from an esteemed reader, I am providing you with Loc Lessons Part 2, to share the fond memories I have of impeccable loc maintenance.
I started my locs while working in corporate. Therefore, I had a heightened sense of awareness of how they were groomed as I knew that I was pushing the envelope with my individual style. I opted to have my locs professionally washed and twisted every two weeks. I never did my loc maintenance myself. After one (very private) attempt that I decided that I did not EVER want to again. (you may do well with it, but I stayed in my lane - and at the shop)
For loc wearers, it is important that you eithier a) are really great at doing them yourself (with strong arms and shoulders) or b) have an amazing loctician. I am proud to say that I had b., an amazing loctician working with my hair during that time. She was extremely kind and patient with me. Her name was Latriese Sanders Paxton. She owns a salon in downtown East Point, Georgia, called the Ella Rose Salon (http://www.ellarosesalon.com/). Latriese had and has a wonderful calm spirit and energy that transfers easily to your hair. She NEVER cut corners on the quality of products used in my hair. Her full service loc maintenance consisted of a deep cleansing and scalp massaging shampoo, conditioning, deep conditioning (when needed), twist and style.
Dr. Bronner's Pure Castile Peppermint Soap was my shampoo of choice. (I actually love to use Dr. Bronner's to cleanse my whole body). Dr. Bronner's worked well with a prescription shampoo that I had to use for a scalp condition. She also used the Aveda Rosemary Mint conditioner which was AMAZING for regular and deep conditioning. She alternated between essential oils of lemongrass and lavender with shea butter, Carol's Daughter Loc Butter and Nature's Blessing for twisting and moisturizing.
I love big hair! So I usually opted to have my locs set on (gray) rods for amazing curls and body that would last until my next visit. I also I enjoyed wearing my locs braided and/or pinned up in fabulous up dos. Loc Lesson: You have lots of styling options.
I loved my locs and even though I no longer wear them, I have not ruled them out as a preferred hair style. I got nostalgic just writing this blog!
Loc Love!
The Natural Darling
I started my locs while working in corporate. Therefore, I had a heightened sense of awareness of how they were groomed as I knew that I was pushing the envelope with my individual style. I opted to have my locs professionally washed and twisted every two weeks. I never did my loc maintenance myself. After one (very private) attempt that I decided that I did not EVER want to again. (you may do well with it, but I stayed in my lane - and at the shop)
For loc wearers, it is important that you eithier a) are really great at doing them yourself (with strong arms and shoulders) or b) have an amazing loctician. I am proud to say that I had b., an amazing loctician working with my hair during that time. She was extremely kind and patient with me. Her name was Latriese Sanders Paxton. She owns a salon in downtown East Point, Georgia, called the Ella Rose Salon (http://www.ellarosesalon.com/). Latriese had and has a wonderful calm spirit and energy that transfers easily to your hair. She NEVER cut corners on the quality of products used in my hair. Her full service loc maintenance consisted of a deep cleansing and scalp massaging shampoo, conditioning, deep conditioning (when needed), twist and style.
Dr. Bronner's Pure Castile Peppermint Soap was my shampoo of choice. (I actually love to use Dr. Bronner's to cleanse my whole body). Dr. Bronner's worked well with a prescription shampoo that I had to use for a scalp condition. She also used the Aveda Rosemary Mint conditioner which was AMAZING for regular and deep conditioning. She alternated between essential oils of lemongrass and lavender with shea butter, Carol's Daughter Loc Butter and Nature's Blessing for twisting and moisturizing.
I love big hair! So I usually opted to have my locs set on (gray) rods for amazing curls and body that would last until my next visit. I also I enjoyed wearing my locs braided and/or pinned up in fabulous up dos. Loc Lesson: You have lots of styling options.
I loved my locs and even though I no longer wear them, I have not ruled them out as a preferred hair style. I got nostalgic just writing this blog!
Loc Love!
The Natural Darling
Monday, April 4, 2011
Free To Be... Not Supposed To Be
Being Natural has definitely allowed me EVEN MORE freedom and flexibility to expand my personal style and life experiences. I no longer feel the need to be defined by a certain signature or cliche style (trust me, I used to). I can honestly say that I enjoy my bare feet or a pair of Birkenstocks just as much as I enjoy a pair of Manolo Blahnik vintage d'orsays or a coveted pair of Loubies.
Being Natural has definitely served as a catalyst for me to embrace, expand and execute my creative thoughts and ideas. I am really better at conjuring new concepts and approaches to everyday challenges. One reason is that my "look" tends to attract people with creative minds and instincts in my space. This works really well with my analytical approach. It usually leads to enthralling conversations and enduring relationships. Another reason is that since my mind is far more open to expression and free of what I call "supposed to be's," I am able to think outside the box and approach challenges with a more creative and expressive mind. You will be amazed at how shedding a few "supposed to be's" can change your life. What age are you "supposed to be" married? When are you "supposed to be" a parent?" Where are you "supposed to be" at this stage in your life and career? (hmm, that may be another blog, lol)
When I look at what I have written about "Being Natural," I realize that it has given me some of the fundamental tools needed to adapt and adjust to a lot of life's challenges. It has not made me perfect nor solved all of my problems. However, I can say that "Being Natural" has brought more peace and happiness to my life than it has taken away.
Being Natural is not a "supposed to be." It is a "free to be."
The Natural Darling
Being Natural has definitely served as a catalyst for me to embrace, expand and execute my creative thoughts and ideas. I am really better at conjuring new concepts and approaches to everyday challenges. One reason is that my "look" tends to attract people with creative minds and instincts in my space. This works really well with my analytical approach. It usually leads to enthralling conversations and enduring relationships. Another reason is that since my mind is far more open to expression and free of what I call "supposed to be's," I am able to think outside the box and approach challenges with a more creative and expressive mind. You will be amazed at how shedding a few "supposed to be's" can change your life. What age are you "supposed to be" married? When are you "supposed to be" a parent?" Where are you "supposed to be" at this stage in your life and career? (hmm, that may be another blog, lol)
When I look at what I have written about "Being Natural," I realize that it has given me some of the fundamental tools needed to adapt and adjust to a lot of life's challenges. It has not made me perfect nor solved all of my problems. However, I can say that "Being Natural" has brought more peace and happiness to my life than it has taken away.
Being Natural is not a "supposed to be." It is a "free to be."
The Natural Darling
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Loc Lessons
When I started my locs I had done very little research. I realize now that if I had done my research, I probably would have been tempted to get Sisterlocs instead of the regular locs that I wore. Because I jumped into this with very little planning, I learned quite a few lessons very quickly.
The first and one of the most profound lessons that I learned with my locs was that TIME IS OUR MOST VALUABLE COMMODITY AND RESOURCE IN LIFE. We can always make more money, but we can never make more time. I had this revelation when I discovered how joyful my mornings became when I did not have to wake up an hour earlier to style my hair. I can't say that I spent less time in the salon getting my hair done, but I can say that the time I spent getting my hair done was a lot more peaceful and rejuvenating. I quickly learned that salon communities that focus on Natural hair and health have a different vibe and focus. They tend to attract creative, forward thinking, conscious and compassionate people. The greetings and ideas exchanged are edifying. I enjoyed every minute of it (and still do).
Equally profound is this lesson. I learned PATIENCE AND HUMILITY. Growing your hair in any state requires patience. But locs are a commitment for those that are truly serious about having them. Your spirit has to submit to the process of your hair growing and becoming what you desired it to be when you started. (Sounds like marriage, huh). Humility is something that I learned and acquired as I dealt with my family's reaction to my locs. I could have been (and should have been) offended by some of the questions and comments that were presented when I first started. Instead of getting angry, I worked on educating each person by example and with calm dialogue about my choice to start locs. I became very aware of perceptions and it made me more compassionate towards others who may have been perceived as different or misunderstood.
The next lesson is very important. I learned that MY LOCS WERE SEXY AND MADE ME FEEL SEXIER. My belief is that sexy is a state of mind. I was committed to enjoying my locs at every stage. When they were short I had no choice but to address my inner-self (my spiritual-self). This led to a personal revival in my spirit and it emboldened my connections with others. This new confidence was one that I had never experienced before. Confidence is an underestimated aphrodisiac. I spent a lot of time talking and working with my loctician because I wanted to be a walking example that wearing locs did not mean that curls and updos were off limits and just as stylish and sexy as with any other hair texture. I loved my my new looks and so did everyone else! I was approached by men of all races and places. The quality of my "dating" life improved dramatically. I attracted men with for more depth at this stage in my life that I did before.
The final lesson is this: HAVING LOCS IS NOT A PERMANENT STYLE - YOU DO NOT HAVE TO CUT THEM OFF TO TRANSITION TO A NEW STYLE. One day a stylist in my salon walked in and she announced that she had been wearing head wraps for the last few weeks because she was combing her locs out. It was at that point that I understood that I had options. From then on, I looked at my locs as the best protective hair style a Natural Woman could have for 8 years.
I would love to hear about your loc lessons and answer any additional questions that you may have.
Until next time...
Loc Love,
The Natural Darling
The first and one of the most profound lessons that I learned with my locs was that TIME IS OUR MOST VALUABLE COMMODITY AND RESOURCE IN LIFE. We can always make more money, but we can never make more time. I had this revelation when I discovered how joyful my mornings became when I did not have to wake up an hour earlier to style my hair. I can't say that I spent less time in the salon getting my hair done, but I can say that the time I spent getting my hair done was a lot more peaceful and rejuvenating. I quickly learned that salon communities that focus on Natural hair and health have a different vibe and focus. They tend to attract creative, forward thinking, conscious and compassionate people. The greetings and ideas exchanged are edifying. I enjoyed every minute of it (and still do).
Equally profound is this lesson. I learned PATIENCE AND HUMILITY. Growing your hair in any state requires patience. But locs are a commitment for those that are truly serious about having them. Your spirit has to submit to the process of your hair growing and becoming what you desired it to be when you started. (Sounds like marriage, huh). Humility is something that I learned and acquired as I dealt with my family's reaction to my locs. I could have been (and should have been) offended by some of the questions and comments that were presented when I first started. Instead of getting angry, I worked on educating each person by example and with calm dialogue about my choice to start locs. I became very aware of perceptions and it made me more compassionate towards others who may have been perceived as different or misunderstood.
The next lesson is very important. I learned that MY LOCS WERE SEXY AND MADE ME FEEL SEXIER. My belief is that sexy is a state of mind. I was committed to enjoying my locs at every stage. When they were short I had no choice but to address my inner-self (my spiritual-self). This led to a personal revival in my spirit and it emboldened my connections with others. This new confidence was one that I had never experienced before. Confidence is an underestimated aphrodisiac. I spent a lot of time talking and working with my loctician because I wanted to be a walking example that wearing locs did not mean that curls and updos were off limits and just as stylish and sexy as with any other hair texture. I loved my my new looks and so did everyone else! I was approached by men of all races and places. The quality of my "dating" life improved dramatically. I attracted men with for more depth at this stage in my life that I did before.
The final lesson is this: HAVING LOCS IS NOT A PERMANENT STYLE - YOU DO NOT HAVE TO CUT THEM OFF TO TRANSITION TO A NEW STYLE. One day a stylist in my salon walked in and she announced that she had been wearing head wraps for the last few weeks because she was combing her locs out. It was at that point that I understood that I had options. From then on, I looked at my locs as the best protective hair style a Natural Woman could have for 8 years.
I would love to hear about your loc lessons and answer any additional questions that you may have.
Until next time...
Loc Love,
The Natural Darling
Friday, April 1, 2011
Natural Power
I did not have a problem making a decision to go Natural or stay natural. The sum total of my life experiences had led to the point of conviction with no reservations. The decision was more than just my hair. It was a decision to eradicate all self-loathing, self-oppressive and self-defeating thoughts and actions in my life. It was a decision to carefully examine the impact of conventional wisdom and propaganda on my self-image and self-esteem. My experiences in meditation, conversation, education and travel brought me to this point. By owning (and taking away an oppressor’s ability to influence and or dictate) what I think of me and what I love about me, I have inherent NATURAL POWER.
Natural Power allows me to embrace new concepts and ideas with an enthusiasm and zeal that I did not have before. Natural Power compels people to listen to me even though I am not speaking. Natural Power announces my presence in a room. Natural Power keeps me disciplined and focused. Natural Power enables me to control my thoughts, focus on what I DESIRE and execute my plans.
My hair is just a visual cue and expression of my NATURAL POWER.
Natural Power allows me to embrace new concepts and ideas with an enthusiasm and zeal that I did not have before. Natural Power compels people to listen to me even though I am not speaking. Natural Power announces my presence in a room. Natural Power keeps me disciplined and focused. Natural Power enables me to control my thoughts, focus on what I DESIRE and execute my plans.
My hair is just a visual cue and expression of my NATURAL POWER.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Natural Awakening
I have always loved and enjoyed nice things (Cadillacs and shoes are my vices). I still do. But in my 20's I had so many "points to prove" to so many people that the accumulation of material things was my way of saying, "...hey look at me, I am doing really well for myself!" Over a period of time, I had so much "stuff" and cared so much about how I could and would impress others that I began to define myself by what I had. I knew I was unhappy at a certain point when this was happening, but I didn't know why. I unconsciously began to make radical changes that many still don't understand. I resigned from an amazing job that I had with a large corporation. I started (involuntarily) shedding material things until there was nothing left but me and my relationship with God which had been damaged by all of the "stuff."
Once I figured out that all of the material things were insignificant because they were not the source of my peace, I started shedding the emotional baggage. I had an acute desire to know and love myself, as myself, for myself. A trip to Africa served as a catalyst for the lessons I would have to learn about loving and appreciating my Natural self. I did not realize it then, but starting my locs was a re-introduction to my authentic self. I hear from a lot of women that they fear the "in-between" stage of their any Natural transformation. This is the stage where you are growing your hair from short to long and you are not really comfortable with the dramatic change and the time between starting and getting to a comfortable length. This was the most important stage because I inevitably fell in love with mySELF all over again. I learned not to focus on my hair in that stage of growth. I was able to focus on so many other key areas of my life that I had neglected when I was focused on a superficial image and things in my life. I concentrated on my relationship with God. I realized that in life that this was the only thing that I ever wanted to be defined by. Any byproduct of that relationship should manifest itself as a testimony to others. I focused on my skin and my health. Most importantly, I focused on helping others more than ever. This was and is the best feeling in the world.
My level of personal confidence increased exponentially. I became even more self-actualized and confident that it affected the people around me. It was a new kind of confidence. I found a peaceful confidence that I had never known. A new Law had emerged in my life. Honor God, myself and my neighbor with love and truth. Material things are nice, but they are not who I am. I finally realized who I AM. This was my awakening.
When I am out with my best friend she always marvels at the love and eye contact that other Naturals and I share. She asks me, "do you all have a secret handshake too?" I laugh and then I say, "No." (at least I don't think so). But I do know that we have all had our own Natural Awakening.
The Natural Darling
Once I figured out that all of the material things were insignificant because they were not the source of my peace, I started shedding the emotional baggage. I had an acute desire to know and love myself, as myself, for myself. A trip to Africa served as a catalyst for the lessons I would have to learn about loving and appreciating my Natural self. I did not realize it then, but starting my locs was a re-introduction to my authentic self. I hear from a lot of women that they fear the "in-between" stage of their any Natural transformation. This is the stage where you are growing your hair from short to long and you are not really comfortable with the dramatic change and the time between starting and getting to a comfortable length. This was the most important stage because I inevitably fell in love with mySELF all over again. I learned not to focus on my hair in that stage of growth. I was able to focus on so many other key areas of my life that I had neglected when I was focused on a superficial image and things in my life. I concentrated on my relationship with God. I realized that in life that this was the only thing that I ever wanted to be defined by. Any byproduct of that relationship should manifest itself as a testimony to others. I focused on my skin and my health. Most importantly, I focused on helping others more than ever. This was and is the best feeling in the world.
My level of personal confidence increased exponentially. I became even more self-actualized and confident that it affected the people around me. It was a new kind of confidence. I found a peaceful confidence that I had never known. A new Law had emerged in my life. Honor God, myself and my neighbor with love and truth. Material things are nice, but they are not who I am. I finally realized who I AM. This was my awakening.
When I am out with my best friend she always marvels at the love and eye contact that other Naturals and I share. She asks me, "do you all have a secret handshake too?" I laugh and then I say, "No." (at least I don't think so). But I do know that we have all had our own Natural Awakening.
The Natural Darling
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
How It Started For Me...
People who have known me for any length of time may know that as a child I had long flowing natural hair. My mother and I used to have the most spirited discussions about when I would be able to get a relaxer. My mother could never tell me why she was so adamant about me not getting a relaxer. If she had told me the history of the relaxer and injected potent doses of history and antedotes self-love and empowerment, I know that I don't think that I would have done it. I have always had a social conscience. I have always made myself aware of the lingering effects of slavery and oppression. But at the age of 12, I let a piece of me slip away - my natural hair. From that point on, I always kept my hair "done." In college I was known for my impeccable layered hair cut. In my twenties, I was known for having the best weaves. I wore weaves when no one was supposed to know that you had a weave!
At the age of 29, in 2002, I went to South Africa and Ghana with a friend and it totally changed my life and my perceptions. Upon arrival to Johannesburg, South Africa our group went to the King-Luthuli Transformation Centre. We were greeted by the most beautiful and gracious people that I have ever met in my life. Their warmth brought me to tears. The bold features of South African woman were and are the pinnacle of beauty to me. What I discovered was that the women were enthralled with us because of our eurocentric features. They loved our keener noses, lighter skin, variable colored eyes, and straight hair. The South Africans were so heavily influenced by European and Western media that they had not been able to celebrate or appreciate their natural beauty. In an instant this broke my heart. In an instant, I realized why I and so many others could not fathom wearing our natural hair. We have never been able to define our own standard of beauty based on our natural heritage. Slavery, colonialism, and social and political oppression ruined it. Have you ever thought about that?
When we returned to the States 14 days later, I announced to my closest friends that I was shedding my weave and starting locs. No one and I mean NO ONE believed me. It was a process but in June, 2003, I had my weave removed and started locs. Relaxer was still on the ends and it was terrible. In December, 2003, I did a big loc chop and never looked back.
Today, I challenge you to really examine how you define beauty for you and the people around you and WHY. I challenge you do dig deeper and think about how and why your parents and their parents may have been affected.
The Natural Darling
At the age of 29, in 2002, I went to South Africa and Ghana with a friend and it totally changed my life and my perceptions. Upon arrival to Johannesburg, South Africa our group went to the King-Luthuli Transformation Centre. We were greeted by the most beautiful and gracious people that I have ever met in my life. Their warmth brought me to tears. The bold features of South African woman were and are the pinnacle of beauty to me. What I discovered was that the women were enthralled with us because of our eurocentric features. They loved our keener noses, lighter skin, variable colored eyes, and straight hair. The South Africans were so heavily influenced by European and Western media that they had not been able to celebrate or appreciate their natural beauty. In an instant this broke my heart. In an instant, I realized why I and so many others could not fathom wearing our natural hair. We have never been able to define our own standard of beauty based on our natural heritage. Slavery, colonialism, and social and political oppression ruined it. Have you ever thought about that?
When we returned to the States 14 days later, I announced to my closest friends that I was shedding my weave and starting locs. No one and I mean NO ONE believed me. It was a process but in June, 2003, I had my weave removed and started locs. Relaxer was still on the ends and it was terrible. In December, 2003, I did a big loc chop and never looked back.
Today, I challenge you to really examine how you define beauty for you and the people around you and WHY. I challenge you do dig deeper and think about how and why your parents and their parents may have been affected.
The Natural Darling
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Welcome
I read and watch so many blogs each day that I decided that I would blog. More importantly, I decided that I would do an empowering blog. A blog that will remind you each and everyday that you have the right to celebrate your natural beauty. A blog that seeks to challenge you in thought and perception. A blog that gives you a message to carry to others about how it is ok to celebrate your natural essence without apology. A blog that does not allow you to say, "...that looks good on you, but it wouldn't look right on me." A blog that compels you to challenge statements like this with enlightenment and encouragement. A blog that gives you the strength to stand on your natural principle and lead by example with your families and friends who don't know the power and freedom that comes with "being natural." A blog that will give you access to the best products that the market offers to people with naturally curly hair. A blog that seeks to partner with innovative companies offering goods and services to make our natural journeys pleasant and enjoyable. A blog that I will enjoy writing and that you will enjoy reading.
Welcome to The Natural Darling.
Welcome to The Natural Darling.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)